More than love and sex, a “third satisfaction” is needed in marriage

2022-05-03 0 By

A lot of the pain in life, especially in relationships, in addition to love and sex, comes from an imbalance of needs or a lack of needs that couples don’t communicate.So how do we express our needs to our loved ones so that those needs can be satisfied in the relationship, and then the relationship?I would like to share a few life events that I have encountered in my daily life and how TO deal with them…When we talk about needs, we cannot always look at needs in isolation.Demand is just like the expense item in the passbook. You must have income before you can feel secure in spending.If the bankbook of love, intimacy, is empty, there are bound to be many conflicts when we try to overdraw.There are many types of contribution to the family, such as taking care of and contributing to the lover in economic, emotional, life and work. Of course, this contribution must be what the other party really needs, rather than what we think the other party needs.In many cases, we tend to act in the opposite way. The other person needs an apple, but we bring a cart full of pears. When the other person is unhappy, we complain.When I was about to get pregnant, I ate vegetarian food for 13 months because my body needed to adjust. I am not a vegetarian, and I did a good job of fetal education during my two pregnancies, during which I constantly shared with my husband. My husband was moved by these actions, which also aroused his motivation and interest in child-rearing.Before the two children were one year old, the husband insisted on changing their diapers in the morning and evening and taking a bath every night, although there were nurseries and nannies at home. Therefore, a big need in the intimate relationship of educating their children was easily solved.People who seek common ground while shelving differences are in the process of mirror learning. Our words and behaviors become the object of our husbands’ imitation. If we complain about the cold war in a relationship, the channel of emotional communication will be blocked.In the emotional blocked or even closed state, we put forward any demand in the eyes of the other party may be to find fault, the outcome of nature has been decided.Intimate relationship needs to seek common ground while reserving differences. We can not like or participate in the other’s interests, hobbies and habits, but we do not have to intervene and reject them.Because our needs may seem unreasonable to others, like our insatiable desire to shop.My husband loves fishing. He often goes fishing with fishing associations and clubs. Although I don’t like fishing and I don’t like him being away from home often, I still respect his interest and often give him compliments.So when I asked for my needs, like spending time with my kids, fishing time, and my interests and learning needs, he would support and meet them.I love taking photos. My husband is usually the driver of my family’s weekend road trip. Sometimes when we arrive at the destination, the food is not suitable for us, and he cooks for us by himself.Therefore, the relationship needs to open and close properly. Under the broad acceptance and permission, we put forward appropriate demands, which can be accepted by the other party.When evaluating a need, one can make an assessment of the need: Can a need be satisfied only by the other person, or can it be satisfied by oneself?No one likes to take care of other people in every detail. If it’s a need you have to ask for, but it’s difficult to fulfill, pay attention to the timing.I joined the happy family study, chose a more relaxed time.When I’m walking, when I’m in his arms, AND I tell him everything, I usually use words like: Honey, I need your help;Hubby, I have an idea……I have thought for a long time, but I have not told you, because I consider……Actual situation;I think for a long time, or want to go, I also consider these problems, can……To solve;Husband if really feel embarrassed, can see……Honey, you see, this is bad for us…Benefits;To sum up, communication involves several aspects: one is the true feelings, one is the anticipation and solution of possible problems;Then it is to give a variety of options, in the demand of the time mode and other aspects of some flexible adjustment;Finally, what are the benefits of the realization of the needs for the whole family? If there are feelings, reasons, methods and benefits, the other party will be easier to accept.Need fulfillment and Praise Reinforcement Express gratitude and praise for a need that has been met.Just mentioned husband diapers and take a shower in the morning and evening, when he was doing these things, I can act as a tasting home, half lying on the bed or leaning against the door and said to him, such a small baby diapers can be difficult, you first time when dad, but can be so accurately in well, this image must stay, later to get the kids to see their father love them.In other words, many fathers are afraid to touch such a small baby, but you can carefully adjust the water temperature and bathe the baby every day. This is love and companionship.Sometimes we don’t always express our love with words, a look, a look, a kiss, a hug, a handshake.Our kitchen is a glass door, when my husband is invited to cook, I often like to lean against the glass door to see him, he completely a professional focus on the appearance, but will suddenly turn around to make a strange look……Because he felt my attention and appreciation for him.After, of course, to the requirements, can be refused, then can examine the rationality of the demand, if that is going to give up, you can to do more to solve in the problem, or on the need for a partner to make concessions and balance, find time to do the second negotiation, and to the efforts of the objective, express sincerity want to do this thing…Acceptance of rejection is important. Not every need in this world can be met promptly and accurately. Acceptance of this result creates the peace and wisdom to explore new solutions.The above is the way I often use to express my needs, intimate relationship is not a big deal, but small things can become big things, we work together!